Daughters Adopted from Eastern Europe

The Cleland Family

Hello, We are Joseph and Robyn Cleland. We have two reasons for sharing our story. The first is with the hope that it may encourage others. The second is to focus on adopting children with disabilities. Joe is 41, previously married with two daughters, Samantha (15) and Joanna (19). Robyn is 40, previously married with two kids, Matt (15) and Laura (14). We met in 1994 and were married in 1995.

We knew before we were married that we wanted children together. With our blended family, the kids come and go. We both felt a gap and wanted to have the full parenting experience with kids that were there all the time.

After several medically assisted attempts at becoming pregnant and one miscarriage, Robyn was feeling hopeless. Joe, who is a software engineer, was currently working on a website for an adoption group that assisted in placing children from overseas. He kept telling Robyn to "just look". She adamantly refused and was determined to "make her body work".

Well, one day she broke down and had just a tiny peek at those kids. That was all it took. She suddenly realized that her child did not have to be produced by her body and was very likely already alive and living overseas. There are so many people in the world wanting children and there are so many children in the world wanting a mommy and a daddy.

And so we began our adoption experience. Many people do not understand similarities in adoption to pregnancy. When we hear, "Oh, you did it the easy way." Or "Well, they aren't really YOURS." We just politely excuse their total ignorance and stupidity. Excuse our bluntness, but that is how we feel. Robyn has had two biological children and so she knows exactly what you experience and the two are uncannily similar.

We adopted our first daughter Mikaela, in December of 1998 from Kramators'k, Eastern Europe. She had just turned two and had been born just before Robyn's miscarriage. She is now almost five and has surpassed our every hope. She is funny beyond anything we've ever experienced and has no obvious lasting problems from being a "post-institutionalized" child. She attached firmly and readily. And has caught up from all the delays she came "home" with.

We'd like to talk in more detail about the adoption of our daughter, Alyssa however.

While we were at the orphanage the first time, the director asked us to videotape two disabled girls who were hard to place in the hopes that we could help find families for them. A short time later we managed to find out that a wonderful family in Texas adopted one of the girls. We have gotten to know them fairly well. They have three children from the same region as our daughters. In fact, they tell us that the little girl calls Robyn "Aunt Robyn". We are incredibly happy to have this connection with them.

We decided to return and adopt again and called our agency, "God's Families International Adoption Services" to get started. The director knew we were open to considering a child with some medical concerns. He began telling Robyn about a little girl that his contacts in Eastern Europe were trying to get help for who needed surgery. As he began describing her, Robyn knew immediately that she was the other little girl they had videotape of. This was much more than just a coincidence. After much research and thought, we decided to return for her.

So, once again we began the paperwork and anxiety months. We were just about through with that part of the process and were expecting to travel in January or February of 2001. But on December 12, 2000 we were in a terrible car accident. Our Suburban lost control while towing a car that had a blow out. While Joe and his two daughters were fine, Robyn was severely injured. She suffered a broken skull, a broken C-6 and C-7 (neck), severe brain trauma and a broken collarbone. As a result she has double vision. The doctors were, first amazed that she was alive, and secondly amazed that she wasn't a quadriplegic. She was in the hospital for six weeks. Through it all, she had this overwhelming drive to get well enough to travel for the adoption.

You see, once we'd decided to return for Alyssa, we sent a family photo-album to her and had the orphanage staff tell her that her mommy and daddy were coming soon. Robyn couldn't stand the thought that she thought we weren't coming and that she'd been abandoned yet again. Much to everyone's surprise ( and to most people's dismay) we traveled to Eastern Europe in April 2001.

We now have Alyssa, and we are a family. Now, Alyssa has her own medical concerns. She is missing her middle fingers and has a deep cleft in each hand, and she is missing the large bone in her lower right leg. She has no knee joint or ankle joint in that leg as well. Due to these anatomical concerns, the only option is amputation. She is scheduled for surgery in two weeks. After recovery when will need a prosthesis and lots of physical therapy. But she is bright! She is already speaking fluent English and is starting to learn how to write and read…at age four!

…Adopting both the girls has been the most satisfying experience of both our lives. It has been worth all the hard effort. We strongly encourage anyone even considering adoption to put away any reservations they may have and keep a very open heart toward the children with physical disabilities. If we can do it, you can do it!

Joe and Robyn Cleland

A Trip to the Unexpected
by Matt Barnett

(Our son's perspective of a life in Eastern Europe)

I was sitting on the hard old floor of a Ukrainian orphanage's Director's office when the door slowly opened. In walked the cutest little two-year-old I had ever seen. She was an angel. I was about to meet my new sister. At the time I had no idea, but I was smack dab in the middle of one of the biggest most rewarding experiences of my lifetime. I was in what Joseph white would call a "hero journey". A hero journey is a journey or trip one would take toward self-knowledge or a certain prize. My Prize would be a new little sister…It would be through my departure, initiation, and return that I would attain this most precious gift.

Thus began my departure. It was the night before our trip and my stomach was churning. We were about to leave on a trip to Eastern Europe, a country in what is now the former Soviet Union. The whole adoption idea had come up at a rather stressful time for everyone. My stepfather had been building a web page for an adoption company. He had the idea of adopting since he and my mother had been trying for some time now to conceive a child of their own. At first, I did not have an interest in going, "Leave everyone I know and love? Just to go to a third world country to look for someone we don't even know?!?!? Why?!?!?" My thoughts were turned when I was told it would be the experience of a lifetime, to go find my new little sister. There was also the prospect of getting out of school for about a month and a half. I was also told that I might not have to pay for it all and get some cool stuff.

WARNING: INITIATION FOLLOWING! So, many months later, after an interview, and a house inspection, (not to mention all the other preparations), we left for Eastern Europe. At first it was a little weird, leaving behind many people. Almost everyone I knew came to see us off on our journey across our nation, a sea, and a few countries into unknown, unfamiliar territory. "WHAT AM I DOING?!?!?" As we got onto the plane, thoughts buzzed through my head "What if we crash? What if we get stuck out there or thrown into jail for some unknown reason? What if they all hate Americans and they kill us? What if... What if..." There was a little turbulence, bad food, and sitting next to my sister for about 10 hours. But we made it, and in one piece, to Germany. We had a 24-hour lay over in Frankfurt, and I swear, I was one American that you did NOT want to meet. I must have been, (and my family can back me up on this), the evil one himself reborn. I was definitely not a happy camper. I had some serious jet lag going on and all I wanted was food, and sleep. That is all. After our happy little stay in Germany we hopped onto another plane bound for an airstrip just outside of Kiev, Eastern Europe. From there, all four of us plus our driver, our translator, AND our luggage had to get to Kiev. We fit into two little European cars about the same size as a VW Beetle. It was quite funny to say the least.

There was no turning back now; I was "In the Belly of the Whale." From there we went into Kiev to our cozy little flat on the second story of urban Kiev.

The next morning, our translator came back to take us to the adoption center. There we picked out a few children that we were interested in. I was running low on energy and feeling it. I was tired hungry, sore, and all I wanted to do was lay down for a while and watch some MTV. After we got back from the adoption center we packed a few things, articles of clothing, toiletries, the bare necessities, and all that fun stuff. Before the night was over I was laying down finally, in the small compartment of what I thought to be a pre-Hitler Russian train. Not only that, but besides my step-dad; Joe, and I, there were two women that must not have had baths since the train was made. Like I said, pre-Hitler. Fourteen hours later we got to the town of Kramators'k. Wahoo. I got out of that compartment with all my stuff before the train had even fully stopped and I reeked of B.O. It was horrible. We found a nice taxi to drive us to the orphanage and we packed in there all together like sardines. We got to the orphanage and went into the director's office. There we spoke with him a little and asked to see our first child. He agreed and spoke with one of the nurses, she immediately rushed out and returned a few minutes later with a smiling angel. We stopped looking right then...she was perfect. She was cute, young, and happy. We chose her and began the paperwork. Near Christmas, I was ready to go home, there were tales of presents from my dad. Large, bountiful, and ever growing pile of them.

All I wanted was a real pizza, and presents. I decided to stay, after some convincing done on the part of my stepfather and my mother. I realized that I would miss one of the most rewarding and important days of my life if I left early. I got over the bad food and smelly people and stayed. This was it, the day that I would never forget. It was the day before New Year's Eve. The biggest holiday in Europe and everything would be closed the next day so we talked the judge presiding over our adoption into letting us have our girl a few days early. She cam home; well at least to our flat that we were currently calling home. And I saw why we had come, to save a girl. This was not about gaining an item or a prize. It was about rescuing someone from an unknown fate. We had finally got her and, at the time I thought, succeeded in our adventure. Wow, I could never be farther off. We still had quite a road before us.

After all of this, I finally got to begin the return. When we left Eastern Europe we headed to Poland for my new sister's visa. It was Heaven! Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, and KFC! I never felt more at home in our whole trip. It was a blast in Poland and I almost did not want to come home.

Yet I missed my friends and family, and those presents were calling my name. Poland, however fun it may be, had a tendency to get fogged in. And we definitely experienced this. We could not fly out for a week. We wound up taking a train to Posnan, Poland. This train was better than trains out here in America! Our first little adventure at the station was when two drunkards who, "Wanted to help us with our luggage" confronted us. So we agreed and attempted to pay them for their services as we all walked to our platform. They refused our payment. That is until they had us all loaded up. Apparently they expected money, just not in advance. What they were asking was way too much for their services. We finally left them with just enough money for a few more bottles of alcohol. Well, after this long adventure and a few more mishaps we finally made it to an international airport where we could leave. We flew out at last, with my new sister. Although I thought we were home free, we still had to catch a "quick" transfer at O'Hare airport. We missed our flight and had to wait a couple more hours. We got into L.A. at about 2:00 a.m. and got through customs and out to our awaiting family at 3:00 a.m. Well, it was a long and exhausting journey, but we made it and still have the girl to prove it.

Through my departure, initiation, and return, I learned a lot about adoption. That it is more than gaining a gift, it is also about rescuing someone. We had saved a little girl from the unknown and brought her back. Battling to keep her and take her through the legal systems, customs, inept airport and government officials we finally got what we wanted. We had happiness and a right to live and tell about our experiences.